Culinary Anthropology – Part I

Listen, I know it’s the hip thing nowadays to consider yourself a “foodie”. I know it’s nice to think you have the inside track on modern cuisine because you have a season and a half of “Molto Mario” on your DVR and often snort dismissively at whatever the hapless challenger is throwing together on “Iron Chef America”. I know it’s a struggle to reconcile the abhorrent conditions it takes to fatten a goose with how num-num-nummy a bite of foie gras is. And I know you have a handmade jute shopping bag you tote around at the farmer’s market every weekend because Bobby Flay is so damn inspirational.

But you may want to downshift for a second and take a look at the big picture. See, America has a culinary heritage you just can’t escape. On one hand, it’s given us gastronomic miracles like gumbo and fried chicken and bourbon – but on the other hand, it’s the reason there are things like pasteurized process cheese food and SPAM and Jell-O.

Ah, Jell-O. Luminous, jiggly, delicious Jell-O. Because sugar water tastes better when it’s in 3D. What else can be a salad and a dessert? What else freezes bits of solid food in translucent, artificially flavored limbo, like a cut-away model of the human stomach in mid-digestion? Nothing that I know of. And yes, Jell-O molds have largely fallen out of vogue on the American table, hillbilly church pot-lucks notwithstanding. But you don’t have to go back very far to explore our profound and sometimes disgusting fascination with this crown jewel of powdered convenience food.



Case in point: the “Joys of Jell-O” cookbook. I can’t find a publication date on this beauty but I’m guessing it’s mid-20th century, sometime between “I Love Lucy” and “The Mod Squad”. I’m sure that at some point, we’ve all had a scoop of Jell-O thrust at us with the usual suspects thrown in – you know, crushed pineapple, diced pears, sweetened flaked coconut – but this cookbook takes Jell-O to the next quivering level. Oh yes. Consider the offering on page 65 – “Ring-Around-The-Tuna”.

What? A Jell-O ring mold with tuna salad in the middle? Of course not. As stated in the preface to the recipe, this is “A beautiful jewel-like entrée salad for your luncheon or buffett table”. See, what you do is, you take a package of lime (or lemon-lime in a pinch) Jell-O gelatin, dissolve it in 1 cup boiling water, then add ¾ cup cold water, 2 tablespoons vinegar (it’s getting good), and 2 teaspoons grated onion. Chill until “very thick”, then stir in ½ cup diced cucumber, ½ cup diced celery, 2 tablespoons chopped pimento, 2 tablespoons sliced stuffed green olives, and 1 can of drained and flaked tuna. That's right. The tuna - and everything else - goes right into your semi-set bowl of emerald green goo. See? The box says "Dessert". The recipie says "Salad". How did that happen? Magic, that's how. Now, pour this gruel "into individual ring molds or a 1-quart mold and chill until firm." If you want to get fancy, you can opt to serve it “with additional tuna and top salads with mayonnaise.”

If you didn’t totally screw it up, you can count on two things. One, you’ll have a "salad" that looks something like this:

And two, no one will ever - I mean ever - ask you to bring anything to any kind of pot-luck again. I know – it hardly seems fair. But next time you get angry at those snooty French chefs who laugh at what a “foodie” you are, remember Ring-Around-The-Tuna, and how people used to make and eat crap like this. Or how those hacked up radishes up there are inexplicably supposed to pass for roses. And try to understand.

Music Pairing: Pretty much anything by Ferrante & Teicher.

bolognese, come rain or come shine

jesus. 2009, not one i want back. the US retail business took a pounding. money is tight and i can’t remember when the last time i had US currency greater than a $1 bill in my wallet. i don’t even know where my bank’s ATM’s are any more and when i pass one accidentally i lower my head in shame and pretend someone is calling my cell. my kids have more birthday and xmas dollars stashed in the far corners of their unkempt toy chests than i have access to in a month.

so i medicated heavily over the holidays with johnny mercer songs and gin martinis but the real damage came from my very own kitchen – prime rib, turkey, ham, crispy potatoes, bacon, pancakes, sausage, orange rolls, baklava, bongusto, christmas cookies, baked ziti with meatballs, twix bars, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, shitake mushroom au jus, super fried yorkshire puddings, beef fat, chicken fat, turkey fat, wiener schnitzel, braised cabbage in bacon fat, deviled eggs, fried potatoes, roasted potatoes, potato salad, prime rib sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, ham sandwi...you get the idea. i ate like a lost prospector in a jack london tale.

my editor was nice enough not to mention how fat i was getting over the holidays from all the food i made but now that we’ve acquired the Herminator (Hermie, after the xmas story about the elf who wanted to be a dentist) i’m running him 3 miles in the mornings (5:30am!) and things are looking up for 2010. after yesterday’s run i realized how much i missed the ampo blog and i talked with enough people over the holidays to realize there were more people reading than i thought.

so we’ll begin, again, in 2010 with an old school family favorite perfect for cold weather – bolognese. WARNING! this is not a low fat recipe. the ingredients and method are quite simple. but the time commitment is severe so if you work during the week you may want to save it for a weekend when you can get it started around 1pm and leave it to cook down while you catch some playoff football.


ragu alla bolognese / sauce bolognaise / bolognese sauce

1 large Onion, chopped
4 Celery stalks, chopped
2 Carrots, chopped
1.5 lbs Ground Chuck Beef
1 lb Italian Sausage (casings removed)
2 TB Butter and 2 TB Olive Oil
6 cloves Garlic, minced
2 sprigs Parsley, minced
6 oz Tomato Paste
1 cup Beef Broth
1 Bay Leaf
2 sprigs Thyme
1.5 tsp various dry Italian Herbs
1 cup White Wine
1 cup Whole Milk
Salt & Pepper to taste

1 lb Pasta (e.g. fettuccini, tagliatelle, etc.)
Shaved Parmesan Reggiano
Black Pepper

Notes:
if 2009 was kinder to you than it was to the ampo staff, you might want to buy some real imported parmesan reggiano to shave over the top and look for a sturdy chianti to guide you through the charred meat flavors which can be a little bitter. or you can adjust the mellowness with additional wine/milk/tomato sauce. you can use pretty much any noodle you like; i prefer a flat broad pasta like fettuccini or tagliatelle. chop the veggies to a very small dice. for the lipid use a combination of butter and oil.....butter for flavor and oil to keep the butter from burning during the high heat period at the beginning of the recipe. cook in a large (at least 5qt) dutch oven or heavy bottomed pot. be prepared to do quite a bit of stirring over the first 45 minutes; after the addition of the wine and milk you can bring to a slow simmer, cover and let it go for a few hours, stirring a little every half hour or so.

Method:

1. chop vegetable to a very small dice and cook in butter/oil over medium heat for 10 minutes. add meats and turn heat to high and cook for 30 minutes stirring and separating meat bits. there should be small patches of burnt areas on the bottom of the pan but don’t panic.....this is called fond and it blend into the final product once you add the liquids. just keep stirring so the meat/veggie mix doesn’t burn completely.

2. add tomato paste, reduce heat to medium stirring constantly and cook for 5 minutes.

3. add beef broth and scrape up fond and any burnt bits of meat. add milk and cook for 15 minutes.

4. add wine, herbs, bay leaf, garlic and parsely and bring to a simmer. cover and cook 1 – 3 hours, stirring every half hour. add milk/wine/broth if the sauce begins to dry out.

5. cook pasta to desired doneness in salted water; drain and toss pasta with sauce. garnish pasta with shaved parmesan and fresh ground black pepper.

wine pairing: Allegrini Palazzo della Torre '05, at BevMo $20
this wine is just good every year it’s been released and i recommend it for almost any pasta dish.

music pairing: Complete Johnny Mercer Songbook by Various Artists, at Amazon $32.49
a three disc collection, the first of which (Blues in the Night) will get you through a long winter day if the weather has you locked in doors. pour a gin martini which should warm you up by the time you hear Billy Eckstein sing Laura.

Disc: 1
1. Blues In The Night (My Mama Done Tol' Me) - Louis Armstrong
2. I Thought About You - Billie Holiday
3. Come Rain Or Come Shine - Anita O'day
4. Hit The Road To Dreamland - Mel Torme
5. Dearly Beloved - Margaret Whiting
6. Goody Goody - Buddy Rich
7. Skylark - Ella Fitzgerald
8. Laura - Billy Eckstine
9. Day In-Day Out - Sarak Vaughan
10. Early Autumn - Woody Herman
11. I Remember You - Dinah Washington
12. Any Place I Hang My Hat Is Home - Helen Merril/Gil Evans
13. Too Marvelous For Words - Joe Williams
14. Autumn Leaves - Dee Dee Bridgewater
15. One For My Baby (And One More For The Road) - Billie Holiday
16. Jeepers Creepers - Bing Crosby/Buddy Bregman's Orchestra